Advice from a pro for enjoying fulfilled sexuality

Hello, Anne. You are the founder of My Lubie, a French brand of intimate well-being products which has been very successful since its launch in 2020! We know you are very committed to the uninhibited democratization of pleasure. How does our sexual fulfillment play a role in our overall well-being?

Sexuality is part of life! Therefore, whether it goes well or not has an impact on our state of mind. It's hard to ignore your sexual health, which is why taking care of your intimate health is important. In the same way, it is essential to remember that you should not be ashamed: neither of the level of your libido, nor of your desires and fantasies. Having the confidence to explore them allows you to feel fully fulfilled, without feeling like you're not yourself.

I think it is appropriate to immediately defuse the “bomb” for our readers: does having a fulfilling sex life necessarily mean having a (very) active intimate life? Some sex influencers, for example, advocate sexual emancipation by increasing the frequency of intercourse and/or increasing the number of partners…

Having an active sex life, with several partners, several reports per week… All of this has nothing to do with a fulfilling sex life. In fact, there is no standard for “good” sexuality, contrary to what one might think. The main thing is to develop one that suits us: rhythm, desires to explore, with whom, how, etc. This is what we are trying to convey with My Lubie. Beyond our products, it is a vision of benevolent sexuality for “sexplorer”.

But then, how do we know if we are fulfilled (or not) sexually? Although we imagine that there is no miracle recipe, perhaps there is a little green (or red) light that lights up at some point in our head.

You simply have to listen to yourself. If you experience a feeling of disappointment, weariness or even disgust, then something is not suitable for you. Think about what is generating this feeling, but also what could resolve it. Be careful, however, be vigilant: your sex life is above all individual. So, if you or your partner express a wish, a change, a desire, neither of you should feel obliged to say yes to please the other. You can try, of course, but don't try to force yourself by prioritizing your own well-being to the detriment of your partner's aspirations – and vice versa.

And besides, what are the main obstacles to our intimate development? It’s a safe bet that they can be numerous and sometimes difficult to overcome…

First, without hesitation, taboos/prejudices: they condition us on what to do or not and limit us in our “sexploration”. Self-confidence also plays an important role. We are sometimes the first enemies of our well-being. Then, it would be naive to ignore the impact of intimate health, in particular pathologies or inconveniences (such as endometriosis, intimate dryness, impotence, to name only three), which limit physically or psychologically the fulfillment and confine “sexploration” to levels that some would like to exceed, without necessarily having the possibility of achieving it. We developed our CBD intimate oil to relieve discomfort during penetration or menstruation, for example, but there are many other obstacles awaiting holistic solutions.

You talk a lot about “sexploration”, that is to say a practice which consists of exploring oneself, (re)discovering oneself and knowing oneself better through the experimentation of sexual pleasure. We have the impression that this largely involves masturbation... Are we "frigid" if we don't feel the need to touch ourselves or the desire to indulge in solitary pleasure?

At My Lubie, we do not like this expression, which we find sexist. She names a behavior that we only attribute to women who do not have the attitude we would like them to adopt. Apart from that, sexuality is based on the expression of libido, and the latter fluctuates over time. Sometimes it will be very high, so you will want to touch yourself, other times less… and sometimes not at all! We forget it when we talk about intimate well-being, but asexuality (editor's note: absence of sexual attraction towards others) is a reality, and that does not prevent the people concerned from being fulfilled. Feel free, trust yourself, everything is normal. Otherwise, if you have any doubts about your sex life, do not hesitate to talk about it with a sexologist or a doctor.

Let's imagine that, tomorrow, I want to cultivate my “selflove” more through “sexlove” – basically, by giving more space to my sexual well-being in my daily routine. Do you have an example of a routine to give me to strengthen my connection with my sensuality?

You have to become aware of the erotic power of your body, by really looking at it in front of a mirror. For example, you can pose sensually in front of the mirror, massaging your body with oil. If you wish, do not hesitate to accompany your reconnection ritual with a few sensory boosts, for example by lighting an aphrodisiac incense stick. Your body is beautiful: becoming aware of its strength and uniqueness makes all the difference.

I also think of all those couples who have lived together for a long time and whose desire often tends to dry up over the years. Of course, this is not a phenomenon that is abnormal, but some people may suffer from it, with a feeling of having their sexuality at a standstill. What advice or tips would you give them to find themselves differently under the covers?

Physical intimacy is enhanced by emotional intimacy. Also, before trying to break the sexual routine, take the time to spend quality time together. This could be playing a board game, playing a sport together, doing a craft activity, etc. In short, moments with dialogue, complicity, to reconnect you with each other. Then, rediscover your bodies with a massage ( our Massage & Body treatment oil can be your accomplice during these precious moments together). You will see that by doing this, you will still learn about each other!

Barriers are collapsing, we are talking more and more about intimacy without taboos; that's good. The other side of the coin is that some of us can experience this liberation of sexual speech as an injunction to happiness and well-being. Paradoxically, this becomes a paralyzing factor. How can we succeed in separating the wheat from the chaff in the privacy of our homes?

The word is freed, but that does not mean that it will make us happy if we follow it. Trust yourself to seek out information and advice that makes you feel good. Likewise, don't hesitate to leave them aside if you have the impression that, ultimately, it is not ideal for you. Enthusiastically test what you want and only keep the positive for yourself and your relationships.